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Location: Cowford, FL
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DOB: 4/21/1989
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Le Tour de DopePlay it here!

Here's a glitchy alternate link.

The Tour de France is the greatest event in cycling. Unfortunately, some riders rely on illicit substances to gain an edge over the competition during this grueling three-week race. Can you bring the Yellow Jersey into Paris without compromising your integrity?

You are the lead rider for the WalrusWare-Purplius cycling team, a small and severely underfunded operation. You're still not a star in the sport, but WalrusWare-Purplius's team leadership was impressed with your performance last year as a domestique for one of the bigger teams. They gave you a chance to be the lead rider of a team that probably won't give you anything resembling support. You don't have much of a chance to win the Tour, but who knows - maybe you'll win a big stage or do something else to give the WalrusWare brand some much-needed exposure.

(And no, don't take this game - or my feeble Web development skills - too seriously. I spent a full 24 hours working on it, and I'm not very JavaScript-literate.)
The Website Obesity CrisisAn interesting article I found (brief swear warning).

Basically, Web sites are a whole lot bigger and bulkier than they need to be, and this problem contributes to the trend of the Internet being dominated by "walled gardens" rather than nurturing places for creativity. It's a good read with some funny statistics.

7/6 Edit: Typo fix, although "Websity" is still a very fine word in my opinion!
Medical commercials in a medical officeSo I'm starting a new job. As with many jobs, taking a drug test is part of the hiring process. This afternoon I went to a medical clinic near my home to take said test, since it's a convenient location and it's one of the places where my future employer is willing to pay for the test. I've been pretty healthy over the years - believe it or not, this is probably the first time I've had any sort of medical test done since I was a baby. But I digress.

I was sitting in the waiting area. In the corner of the room was a TV showing one of those corny "which wedding dress should she get" shows. TV being TV, it soon went to a commercial break. At that moment, I realized that medical-related commercials sound absolutely terrifying when you're in a doctor's office - even when you're there for the most mundane, lowest-risk procedure possible. There was an ad for a prescription drug with all its glorious side effects and warnings, as well as a suin' attorney promoting his class-action lawsuit against the maker of some questionable-quality medical product. That was about all I noticed before I went in to do... well, you probably know.

The moral of the story? There isn't one. Maybe doctor's offices should try to avoid TV channels that are constantly advertising pharmaceuticals and lawyers, but then again, that's the majority of TV channels these days. I guess the Cartoon Network might still be safe. Alternatively, they could put on streams of my games - not all of them involve drugs or lawyers.
World Happiness Reporthttp://worldhappiness.report/ed/2018/

This came out not too long ago. It's an interesting read - at least if you're OK with wading through lots of text.
[FICTION] How the Hare Won
Dumb stuff I wrote a bunch of years ago
Once upon a time, there was a rabbit. Every week he would have a race with the tortoise, and every week the tortoise would win after the rabbit collapsed from exhaustion not far from the finish line. The rabbit eventually grew tired of all this. "Surely there's a way I can beat this stupid tortoise!" he said.

For years the rabbit's diet had consisted only of vegetables, in particular, carrots. But one morning, right before the big race, the rabbit was hopping down the road by Farmer Joe's farm. But this time, the rabbit noticed that Joe was growing a new, beautiful plant. The rabbit leaped over the fence, hoping to learn what this new plant was. A small sign was marked, "MARIJUANA." The rabbit nibbled on a couple of leaves.

"I've never tasted anything this good in my life!" the rabbit exclaimed. He then gobbled more leaves. A sense of well-being and strength flowed into him with each leaf he ate.

Suddenly, he noticed some migrant farm workers were staring at him and whispering something in Spanish. Afraid of being caught, the rabbit tucked a few leaves under his ears and sprinted away faster than he had ever gone before! And when he raced the tortoise later that day, the rabbit won easily.

From there on, the rabbit would always visit Farmer Joe's marijuana patch before each race. The rabbit never lost another race and eventually earned the nickname, "Hare Olympian of Potsfield County."

Transcribed exactly as originally written (aside from adding a few line breaks). I wrote this when I was 17 years old, and it remains the greatest thing I've ever written... unless it isn't.

Disclaimer: It should be noted that I did not use marijuana or performance-enhancing drugs then, and I don't use them now either. I don't really recommend using drugs to enhance your athletic performance!
Boring stuff about data privacyYou probably don't care about any of this stuff. But in case you do...

To support forum functionality like posting topics, replies, and personal messages, this forum collects some basic user data. Don't worry - the amount of data we collect is very limited and can be removed upon user request.

Publicly-Visible Data
By registering an account, creating topics, or replying to other members' posts, some user data will be stored on the server. Some basic information is publicly visible - for example, the date and time of posts, account creation, and most recent login.

Publicly-Visible Data (User Control Panel)
Any personal information (such as your location, date of birth, gender, or contact information) is provided voluntarily and can be removed at any time without penalty (although if you don't list your birthday in your profile, it won't appear in the forum calendar).

Data Visible to Forum Staff
Forum staff members may have access to the IP address of each post and account registration. Forum admins can view the e-mail address that a member used to register for the forums. This information is not personally identifiable, and we rarely look at this information unless we're banning a spam account.

Personal Messaging
Personal messages (PMs) are visible only to the sender and recipient of the message. The Admin Control Panel does not include any way for staff members to view other members' messages. However, the contents of PMs are not encrypted. For this reason, we don't recommend using PMs to transmit highly confidential information (although it's not likely you'd be doing such a thing.)

Data Removal
If there's a piece of data you don't want to be on the server, please talk to an admin. While we can't remove an account altogether, we can remove any piece of data that you don't want to be stored on the server. Keep in mind that post data may still be retained by search engines or archives like the Wayback Machine even after it's deleted on the original forums.

Data Security
We take reasonable care to protect the confidentiality and integrity of user data by limiting the number of admins with access to private data.

The forum's server is located somewhere in the United States (as of today, New York). The exact location may be subject to change.

This is a nonprofit site, and we don't sell any user information for any reason.

We use cookies to store login data. It's possible that other sites may be able to access data stored in cookies, but you can dump your cookies at any time.

(If some of this sounds familiar, there's a reason - it's almost the same as what I wrote for MFGG.)
Cheerwine Deluxe DineroDownload it here.

It's not too late to post my other April Foolish game, a work of the finest art. (It might be a parody of "gacha" games, lootboxes, and other newfangled video game irritants.)

Don't expect much gameplay from this.
Ultimate Pointless Quiz ShowdownDownload it here!

What's your favorite part of every game I make? Of course you know what the answer is - it's the quiz show! And this time, I bring you a game that's nothing but a trivia challenge!

The Ultimate Pointless Quiz Showdown includes six separate trivia games about some of your favorite topics. Five of them are available from the start, while the last quiz is unlockable if you earn a high enough score on the other quizzes.

Every time you set a record score, you'll have the option of submitting your score to the MFGG online high scores server. You can submit your score as many times as you like. However, if you don't want to use the online high scores feature, you'll still be able to enjoy every part of the game.

Whoever submits the highest score (as of the morning of May 1, 2018) will receive a cool prize! Even if you don't win, you'll get a consolation prize if you finish in the top five.

So have fun, and don't take this overly seriously. (But if you choose to take things overly seriously, it won't be too hard to find most of the answers online.)
American Mall Gamehttps://www.bloomberg.com/features/american-mall-game/

A "SimMall" game from the news site Bloomberg. It's a fun little thing, and as a Jacksonville resident, I can definitely relate to it!

I lasted 660 days on my best run. I could probably do better if the ear-piercing minigame didn't glitch up on me more often than not.
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