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DOB: 4/21/1989
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Medical commercials in a medical officeSo I'm starting a new job. As with many jobs, taking a drug test is part of the hiring process. This afternoon I went to a medical clinic near my home to take said test, since it's a convenient location and it's one of the places where my future employer is willing to pay for the test. I've been pretty healthy over the years - believe it or not, this is probably the first time I've had any sort of medical test done since I was a baby. But I digress.

I was sitting in the waiting area. In the corner of the room was a TV showing one of those corny "which wedding dress should she get" shows. TV being TV, it soon went to a commercial break. At that moment, I realized that medical-related commercials sound absolutely terrifying when you're in a doctor's office - even when you're there for the most mundane, lowest-risk procedure possible. There was an ad for a prescription drug with all its glorious side effects and warnings, as well as a suin' attorney promoting his class-action lawsuit against the maker of some questionable-quality medical product. That was about all I noticed before I went in to do... well, you probably know.

The moral of the story? There isn't one. Maybe doctor's offices should try to avoid TV channels that are constantly advertising pharmaceuticals and lawyers, but then again, that's the majority of TV channels these days. I guess the Cartoon Network might still be safe. Alternatively, they could put on streams of my games - not all of them involve drugs or lawyers.
World Happiness Reporthttp://worldhappiness.report/ed/2018/

This came out not too long ago. It's an interesting read - at least if you're OK with wading through lots of text.
[FICTION] How the Hare Won
Dumb stuff I wrote a bunch of years ago
Once upon a time, there was a rabbit. Every week he would have a race with the tortoise, and every week the tortoise would win after the rabbit collapsed from exhaustion not far from the finish line. The rabbit eventually grew tired of all this. "Surely there's a way I can beat this stupid tortoise!" he said.

For years the rabbit's diet had consisted only of vegetables, in particular, carrots. But one morning, right before the big race, the rabbit was hopping down the road by Farmer Joe's farm. But this time, the rabbit noticed that Joe was growing a new, beautiful plant. The rabbit leaped over the fence, hoping to learn what this new plant was. A small sign was marked, "MARIJUANA." The rabbit nibbled on a couple of leaves.

"I've never tasted anything this good in my life!" the rabbit exclaimed. He then gobbled more leaves. A sense of well-being and strength flowed into him with each leaf he ate.

Suddenly, he noticed some migrant farm workers were staring at him and whispering something in Spanish. Afraid of being caught, the rabbit tucked a few leaves under his ears and sprinted away faster than he had ever gone before! And when he raced the tortoise later that day, the rabbit won easily.

From there on, the rabbit would always visit Farmer Joe's marijuana patch before each race. The rabbit never lost another race and eventually earned the nickname, "Hare Olympian of Potsfield County."

Transcribed exactly as originally written (aside from adding a few line breaks). I wrote this when I was 17 years old, and it remains the greatest thing I've ever written... unless it isn't.

Disclaimer: It should be noted that I did not use marijuana or performance-enhancing drugs then, and I don't use them now either. I don't really recommend using drugs to enhance your athletic performance!
Boring stuff about data privacyYou probably don't care about any of this stuff. But in case you do...

To support forum functionality like posting topics, replies, and personal messages, this forum collects some basic user data. Don't worry - the amount of data we collect is very limited and can be removed upon user request.

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Publicly-Visible Data (User Control Panel)
Any personal information (such as your location, date of birth, gender, or contact information) is provided voluntarily and can be removed at any time without penalty (although if you don't list your birthday in your profile, it won't appear in the forum calendar).

Data Visible to Forum Staff
Forum staff members may have access to the IP address of each post and account registration. Forum admins can view the e-mail address that a member used to register for the forums. This information is not personally identifiable, and we rarely look at this information unless we're banning a spam account.

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Personal messages (PMs) are visible only to the sender and recipient of the message. The Admin Control Panel does not include any way for staff members to view other members' messages. However, the contents of PMs are not encrypted. For this reason, we don't recommend using PMs to transmit highly confidential information (although it's not likely you'd be doing such a thing.)

Data Removal
If there's a piece of data you don't want to be on the server, please talk to an admin. While we can't remove an account altogether, we can remove any piece of data that you don't want to be stored on the server. Keep in mind that post data may still be retained by search engines or archives like the Wayback Machine even after it's deleted on the original forums.

Data Security
We take reasonable care to protect the confidentiality and integrity of user data by limiting the number of admins with access to private data.

The forum's server is located somewhere in the United States (as of today, New York). The exact location may be subject to change.

This is a nonprofit site, and we don't sell any user information for any reason.

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(If some of this sounds familiar, there's a reason - it's almost the same as what I wrote for MFGG.)
Cheerwine Deluxe DineroDownload it here.

It's not too late to post my other April Foolish game, a work of the finest art. (It might be a parody of "gacha" games, lootboxes, and other newfangled video game irritants.)

Don't expect much gameplay from this.
Ultimate Pointless Quiz ShowdownDownload it here!

What's your favorite part of every game I make? Of course you know what the answer is - it's the quiz show! And this time, I bring you a game that's nothing but a trivia challenge!

The Ultimate Pointless Quiz Showdown includes six separate trivia games about some of your favorite topics. Five of them are available from the start, while the last quiz is unlockable if you earn a high enough score on the other quizzes.

Every time you set a record score, you'll have the option of submitting your score to the MFGG online high scores server. You can submit your score as many times as you like. However, if you don't want to use the online high scores feature, you'll still be able to enjoy every part of the game.

Whoever submits the highest score (as of the morning of May 1, 2018) will receive a cool prize! Even if you don't win, you'll get a consolation prize if you finish in the top five.

So have fun, and don't take this overly seriously. (But if you choose to take things overly seriously, it won't be too hard to find most of the answers online.)
American Mall Gamehttps://www.bloomberg.com/features/american-mall-game/

A "SimMall" game from the news site Bloomberg. It's a fun little thing, and as a Jacksonville resident, I can definitely relate to it!

I lasted 660 days on my best run. I could probably do better if the ear-piercing minigame didn't glitch up on me more often than not.
Itadaki Street DS Sound RipDownload them here.

Sound effects and fanfares ripped from Itadaki Street DS, a Japanese-only Mario-Dragon Quest crossover. I couldn't find sounds for this obscure game anywhere else, so I decided to rip them myself!

All sounds are property of Nintendo and Square-Enix, as well as the original composers of these songs.

(And yes, this is a very obscure game.)
TaxlandiaDownload it here, if you really want to.

Can you create a better future for your happy digital European Millennial people?

Taxlandia is a rather shameless SimCity knockoff made by the European Union (yes, really). The graphics and music are a decent effort, considering it's a game made by a loose partnership of European nations, but unfortunately, the game experience falls flat. Unlike the SimCity games, where you can design pretty much anything you can dream of, there's very little room for creativity in Taxlandia. All you can do is set tax rates, adjust funding levels, and build things in predetermined locations. You can upgrade an existing apartment or factory, but you can't build a new apartment or factory on vacant land! Once you've built all the major projects in the game without bankrupting your cute little European nation, there's not much else to do.

The game stops being exciting when your nation is no longer teetering on the brink of bankruptcy.

Compared to SimCity, the game is intended more as an educational tool. While the built-in glossary is nice, the game doesn't teach you much. The game demonstrates the economic theory that if tax rates were set to 0% or 100%, the government would earn no tax revenue, either because there would be no taxation (0% of anything is 0!) or because if taxes were too high, nobody would have any incentive to work (since the government would take everything you earn, and most commerce would move to the black market). At the beginning of the game, you'll learn that the previous administration has left your country without any funds, and you'll need to find a way to get out of the hole - and fast! To maximize tax revenue, you'll need to set tax rates toward the lower end of the spectrum (30% worked well to revitalize my bankrupt government, but in later years I reduced tax rates to stimulate the economy). Basic tax policy is about the only thing the game teaches. Beyond that, the game has issues. Serious issues.

This game's definition of a "crisis" is "making sure the percentages add up to 100% when allocating funds."

Even though it's designed as an educational tool, the game doesn't acknowledge the absurdities of SimCity's all-powerful ruler playing the role of both mayor and business oligarch (though you don't get to pinch-hit for the Almighty this time - there's a scenario where you react to a small natural disaster, but you don't get to unleash them on your own land). While government certainly plays a role in economic development, especially when big projects are concerned, most governments aren't going to be responsible for renovating a supermarket - with the possible exception of some Communist countries, that's something the private sector would do. That's not the only way the game takes great liberties with realism. Expanding an apartment complex will automatically increase your city's population by the thousands - you just spend the money and people automatically move in! These people also won't move away when things go bad - although you could lose your job as Prime Minister if you run out of money.

The cops will appreciate the new coffee machine and the spiffy desks you bought from IKEA, but upgrading the police station won't actually have a measurable effect on crime rates.

It's also strange that lowering taxes seems to be the only way to reduce crime rates. While lowering taxes will spur economic growth, and increasing economic opportunity is one of the best ways to fight crime, there are lots of other factors that affect crime - education, policing, and health, not to mention countless other things that can't easily be reflected in a city simulation game. And speaking of education, upgrading schools doesn't really help you much in this game. I guess education is a waste of money and you should just play this game instead.

In this brave new world, planting trees requires a crane, some scaffolding, some burly foreign laborers, and a whole lot of waiting.

The game's interface is annoying as well - a long, unskippable animation plays every time you build something, and I can guarantee you that you'll soon grow tired of seeing a massive crane come in to build... a few trees.

Also, all the buildings look the same. This will never cause any problems.

Surely a game this good wouldn't have any typos in it.

Taxlandia has potential, but in its current state, any SimCity game is more fun to play - and more interesting as an educational tool.
I did stupidSeems I forgot to attach a file to an e-mail earlier this week, and since realizing my mistake, I've deleted the file that I was supposed to attach. The big problem is I've dumped the Recycle Bin since then.

So now I'm having my first experience with file-recovery software. This should be interesting. I'm trying Recuva since it comes from the same folks as CCleaner, and I've had good experiences with CCleaner (even if they had a bit of a security scare recently).

Of course, even if I can't recover my missing file, I'll learn something - and there's a decent chance that the person I e-mailed won't notice anyway.
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